she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
