I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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