I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
