its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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