my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
