Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
