it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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