So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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