So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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