I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
