Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
