I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
