Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize