My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
