why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
