So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
