Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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