Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
