dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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