the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
