And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
