So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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