but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
