Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize