you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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