My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want to make out with him forever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
