im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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