Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
