I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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