He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
