omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
