Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize