problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
