I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
