from now on my penis is your penis
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
