i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
