I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
