If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize