It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
