I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My penis needs a shock collar
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
