It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
