I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize