having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
