Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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