what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
