My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
