Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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