Who did Billy Mays play for?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
