My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
