I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
