Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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