At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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