I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
