I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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