The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
