JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
