There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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