fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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