Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize