So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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