"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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