I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
