its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
