Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
