I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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