You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize