five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
