drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dick very happy bro
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
