I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
