She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
