Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
