Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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