Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
