The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
