Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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