I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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