She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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