I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
