it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
