I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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