barbara walters just said penis...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
