I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
