I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
