a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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