I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
