Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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