Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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