Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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