what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
