So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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