If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
