smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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