May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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