yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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