I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
