I seem to have left my pride at pride
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize