Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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