I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i believe in u and ur pee
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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