what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
