i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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