I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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