I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
