he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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