I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
