I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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