This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize