Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how does that bad decision feel?
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