You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
