just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
