now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
