Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
