I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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