Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
