If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
